Yawwwn...

I'm really tired, at the moment. But of course I won't let myself sleep, because I feel like I should jam more into this day. Also, I'm kind of subconsiously (well, I guess it's not subconsiously anymore, because I'm actively thinking about it, but whateverrrr...) holding out for longer and longer just so when I finally get into bed it'll be that much better :) I'm excited. I kind of like being sleepy. It's all... comfy-feeling. You know? No? Well. Maybe it's just me =\

So. I love people. Just in general. I think that humans are hard-wired to want to be liked. Or, even more, loved. Or at least appreciated. Or, you know, tolerated. Being hated... I don't know. People act like they don't care. But you can't not care. So I think that all I do is love people a lot and hope they love me back. I don't think it's a choice, the last part. But I think that I do choose to love people as much as I want to be loved. And yes, sometimes I do get hurt because of that. But it's worth it.

So as much as I love people, some of them... just... hmmm. How to put this, how to put this? If I'm meeting someone new, I love them immediately if they love me immediately. It's just like, "Callie, meet Maddie. Maddie, Callie," and if we both smile and have something in common and we both are open-type people who aren't painfully shy or super-guarded, it's like bada-bang, bada-boom, let's be best friends. But sometimes I love it when there's a challenge when I meet someone. I don't like it if they immediately judge me and decide to hate me. No, I don't like that at all. But I like to have to work at it. To have to prove myself to people. To have them be honest, and see that I have flaws, and show their own. That way, when they observe and know my flaws, and put up with me anyway, it's just that much more real. Of course all of this accepting-each-others'-flaws will happen with any friendship, in time. But I just appreciate it when it's immediate.

I want to be a writer. Writing is my passion (oh, how I hate to use that word seriously), some people say I'm good at it, it's just what I want to do with my life. But sometimes, I want to perform. Just be in front of a huge, huge crowd, and pour my heart out on stage. Not in a mushy way. Not like read a raw, amazing love poem that bears my soul, and the soul of all mankind. That, of course, would make my life worthwhile. But that is not what I'm talking about. I just want to put so much energy and me onto that stage that there isn't anything left. I want to be sweaty and out of breath and grinning and have people cheering afterwards. And writing doesn't have that effect. Writing makes people think. It makes people feel. It's not as spontaneous as other things. As music. And that's why sometimes I'll catch myself wanting to dance. To sing. To play the drums or the guitar. To have people look at me. To be famous and bold and just me. I want to be me as loud and as proud as possible.

I copied && pasted this from Aren's loverly blog

So the quiz is in fact from there. However, all the answers are mine. I just feel like you guys don't know some basic, random facts about me, so here you go :)

ABOUT YOU:

001. real name → Calista
002. nickname → Callie, Shvitz (DO NOT ASK lol), Cal, Cali-Girl (DO NOT ASK again xD), and... umm... idkkkk
003. single or taken → single.
004. zodiac sign → libra
005. male or female → female.
006. elementary → not tellinggg
007. middle → sorry, no luck
008. highschool → -hides head- i am actually still in middle school, so
010. long or short → short
011. are you a health freak → i wish
012. height → like 5' 5" or 5' 6"
013. do you have a crush on someone → kind of
014. do you like yourself → yeah. i'm not in lurrrrve with myself, but yes, my self-esteem is high enough
015 piercings → i haven't worn earrings in EVER, but i've had my ears pierced
016. tattoos → nuh uh
017. righty or lefty → righty.

FIRSTS:

018. first surgery → haven't had one! except dental surgery counts, in which case idk
019. first piercing → ears.
020. first best friend → Lark
021. first award → no clue
022. first sport you joined → ballet
023. first pet → fish or dog. i dont remember
024. first vacation → hawaii when i was a LITTLELITTLE girl
025. first concert → Shania Twain :P i was 6 or 7
026. first crush → Hmmmnnn... too embarrassing to disclose

CURRENTLY:

027. eating → nothing
028. drinking → nothing
029. i'm about to → annoy the hell out of Spencer or Zac :D
030. listening to → cooking noises! yumyum
031. wearing → bermudas and layered camis
032. mood → kinda tired, but i'm really happy, and, like, satisfied. good :)

YOUR FUTURE:

033. want kids → maybe.
034. want to get married → probably.
035. careers in mind? → writer, anesthesiologist, designer...
036. see yourself in 4 years → getting ready for senior year :D
037. college → U of Iowa, UDUB, Oxford, UPS, NYU, idkkkk

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?:

038. lips or eyes → eyes
039. hugs or kisses → hugs :) well, it depends
040. shorter or taller → taller. but i've liked shorter guys.
041. romantic or spontaneous → spontaneous. but romance is never a bad thangg :P
042. nice stomach or nice arms → stomach, because a gross stomach is just EWW
043. sensitive or loud → loud :) I'm loud, and i don't wanna overwhelm them or anything, you know?
044. hook-up or relationship → relationship, probably
045. trouble maker or hesitant → trouble maker, but not to the point where he doesn't graduate high school because he's in prison. I just want a guy who's sarcastic to a teacher and isn't afraid to break the rules a li'l bit

HAVE YOU EVER:

046. kissed a stranger → i wishhhh... how amazingly movie-moment-like would THAT be??
047. drank bubbles → ...whaaa?
048. lost glasses/contacts → yesss, many times
049. ran away from home → considered it, but no :) my family's okayy
050. broken any bones → just a few toes lol, nothing major
051. broken someone's heart → yeah. i think it sucked almost as much for me as it did them.
051. been arrested → nuh uh. i'm too much on the straight and narrow for that shit :P lol
052. turned someone down → hmmm... well... idk if it counted.
053. cried when someone died → ...no. i don't think. i was SAD, of course. but i'm not much of a crier.
054 liked a friend → yeahhhh
055. drank egg nog → nopers
056. gone to therapy → nuh uh
057. played spin the bottle → nope. idk. it seems kinda stupid and overrated and uncomfortable, so i've managed to bail out as of yet =\ i probably will play at one point in my life, cuz it's like a classic experience, y'know?
058. toilet papered someone's house → someone's car, yes. house? no.
059. liked someone but never told them → .....i think everyone i've liked has found out. i can't really be subtle--not that type of person. but i'm sure there's been SOMEONE who didn't know. hmm...
060. spied on someone → no
061. stolen anything → stickers when i was in kindergarten
062. gone camping → wiv meh daddy :D
063. had a crush on your sister's friend → i only have a younger brother =\
064. gone to a nude beach → no lol
065. gone streaking → i have in my underwear, but not bare-ass-naked, no. :P
066. had a stalker → OOHHHH DID MCKAY COUNT? lol, no, i haven't really.
067. gone skinny dipping → no
068. laughed so hard you cried → on occasion ;D
069. gone to a party → yeahyeah xD
070. been in love → i thought so at the time. and now i'm like EWWIE EW EW
071. felt betrayed by your best friend → not really....
072. lied to your parents → NEVER. ahahaha just kidding. it's possible i lie to them every day, but i don't keep a tally ;P
073. been out of the us → mmhhmmnn
074. thrown up from working out → erm, no. i don't work that hard lolll too lazay
075. gotten a haircut so bad that you wore hat → not THAT bad
076. 3 meals from 3 different fast food places → nuh uhhhh. never.
077. done anything hurtful to your classmate → who hasn't?
078. been cheated on by someone → no. well, idk. not that i've heard.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

079. yourself → mostly
080. miracles → they happen every day
081. love at first sight → i think it happens, yes
082. heaven → i don't know
083. santa clause → not anymore
084. angels → yes.
085. kissing on the first date → depends on the guy. for the most part: no.
086. sex before marriage → i'm not AGAINST it, but i don't BELIEVE in it, no. I actually don't think sex i that big of a deal. I'm nowhere near ready for it: i do believe in waiting until i'm at least a legal adult.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

087. is there one or more people you want to be with right now → yes. as in, romantically? or like here in this room??
088. had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → no.
089. do you believe in god → hmmm... well, maybe.

FAVORITES:

090. smell → summer
091. sound → music
092. movie → In The Land Of Women
093. clothing item → skinny jeans, funky tees
094. clothing store → Nordstrom's, Anthropologie, JZ Rose, H&M, any and all boutiques

RANDOM:

095. still talk with the first person you dated → yeah. we're kind of close, in fact
096. are you obsessed with someone → not OBSESSED, but i am very fond of Pete Wentz. Welll... i'm maybe a li'l obsessed.
097. best thing about your job → don't have one
098. like more than one person right now → nope. not really.
099. any compliments today → i don't keep track. someone said i'm not a wimp, i'm a good rock climber, i have pretty eyes... :) idk
100. next vacation → IM IN IDAHO WITH 7 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Heavennnnn
101. friends guys or girls → i think my friends are like 50% of each gender, but i don't really know
102. own any furniture from ikea → my bed, dest, nightstand.... i love IKEA xD
103. last book you rea → I'm re-reading a few, but the last book i read for the first time was... gah. a lot.
104. super power → FLYYYYY
105. lived most of your life → where i live now.
106. why is the sky blue → what's the meaning of fucking LIFE??? lol xD
107. last song you listened to → hrmmmm idk. You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring, possibly, but you never know
108. if you could be anywhere right now where would it be → gah. i'm really happy right now, in fact. =) right here. but i'd want my BFF here wiv me. but these guys are super close to me too, so i'm good where i am
109. mood atm → hunnngry
110. plans for tomorrow → ice skating and hanging out and tomorrow's the SECOND TO LAST DAY HERE so just chilling and making the most of it :)
111. last time you slept for more then 12 hours → a few days ago, actually. i like to sleeeep



♥♥♥that's alllll xD ily guys

I feel like I can say a LOT to some people,

and I can't share as much information with others. Regardless of how well I know a person or how long I've known them. For instance: I tell you guys a lot. I just babble on and on about stuff I wouldn't say in real life. I rant. I express my life views. I post my snazzylicious pics that make my heart all happy and smiley. I JUST TELL YOU GUYS A LOT OF POINTLESS SHIT, AND THAT IS A FACT, AND YOU GUYS LISTEN AND RESPOND AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. So I tell you a lotlotlot but how long have I known you? Not long. How many times have I seen you in person? Zero. (Except for you, Margot, who reads this even though you know me ^^) But one of my best friends, Lark, whom I've known since before kindergarten: can I share even half of these things with her. Maybe. But two thirds? Not a chance. Anyway. All of that little blurb of background info leads up to one thing: I have two friends at the same camp. For three weeks. They're both my reallyreally good friends. Well. One's my bestest buddy and one's a really good pal type thing. But anywaysss I wrote two pages to one of them in, like, ten minutes. Single spaced and small font and everything. And it was basically just a crappy run-on sentance that was super easy to write because I just had so much to say to her. And then I had to write my letter to the other pally :). And, um, in 15 minutes I got down 1/2 of a page. And it was difficult and stiff and pointless and bleh. and now I feel bad D:.

Holy shamalamaaaaaa--

Seven comments! I feel like a star :P

But seriously, guys, thank you so much for reading this shizzle :) You guys have no clue how much I care that you care ^^ I LOVE YOU GUYS

a real live post is coming soon, i promise :*

I've never been phenomenal at poetry.

I'm not tragically awful at it, that's true. But somehow, I can't just have beauty flow from my pen like that. Honestly, I've written a few good poems. Poems that I like. That others like. But it doesn't happen that often. I'm not complaining, I know that fiction's more my thing. But poetry is definitely an art. Less words, less clarity, yet the same--sometimes more--impact.

ANYWAY I read this poem. And it was written by Ann Michelle and it is amazing times a squillion. I thought it was about fireworks, though it's about a storm. That's the thing with poetry, it can apply to almost anything:

High Above
The thunder rolls off in the distanceas

as a cacophony of drumbeats,

The track playing in the opening act.

The sky is smoky,

Occasionally crackling in white-hot flares,

Energy scattering after combining and colliding,

Creating a show that will never be seen again.

The hesitant wind moves in,

Still hot in the throes of Summer,

And the droplets of rain finally come down

To join in as sprinkles on dessert.

!!!! isn't that fantastic????? I lovelovelove it and that is le fact.

I wish I was healthier :\

I mean, I'm skinny. I don't get sick very often. I'm not on a steady diet of cheeseburgers and Dr. Pepper. But I do wish I had the will power to eat the required amount of veggies. To drink those eight glasses of water a day. Brush my teeth after every single meal. Cut back on dessert. It's not because of body image issues, oh no. I don't think I'm disgustingly fat. This wouldn't be a diet. It would be a be healthier program type thing. Hmmmm, maybe I should. I'll try. But I feel like I won't know how hard it is until I start lol :D

Moving on to a completely unrelated topic: do you ever feel like you simply don't have the right thing to say? that what you feel is wrong, and you wouldn't dare put it into words? that what you should say is just out of reach? I feel like that all the time. People say they want to die. They say they're ugly. They say they'll never make it as a whatever-they-want-to-be. Basically, if anyone says anything negative about themselves, or about their lives, I feel so useless. Like nothing I say will be able to help. I know being silent would be so much worse than saying the wrong thing, so I often end up saying what I feel and being very very nervous that it's completely insensitive and naive and wrong. More often than not, it turns out fine. The person I was consoling, for lack of a better word, appreciates what I said. It makes them feel better. But really, I wish there was a manual that told you exactly the right words that would make everything better. The words to make everyone and everything okay.

You know those cheesy thoughts you can't help thinking,

about "how the world should be"? I bet you most, if not all, of those thoughts are embodied in this song:

The World as We Know It by The Morning Of:

So lets sing the executioner song

why cant we all just get along

inspite of all our differences?

it starts a laugh

a warm heartfelt embrace

now all we need is love

to make this something great (to make this something great)

everybody's just somebody watching the show

everybody feel your body losing control

lets let our hearts beat to our minds

lets let our minds speak to our souls

whoa

do you know we all pump the same red blood into our veins

and do you know that we all wish upon the same stars

for the same things

heart in heart

our hands they all fit

this is the world as we know it

lets stop the pointless fighting

and lets start living and loving

lets stop the all this fighting

and lets start living and loving

and if they cut out our tongues we'll still sing loud

we will be strong, we will be heard

simply cut off our tongues and we'll sing

louder than before

everybody's just somebody watching the show

everybody feel your body losing control

lets let our hearts beat to our minds

lets let our minds speak to our souls

whoa

do you know we all pump the same red blood into our veins

and do you know that we all wish upon the same stars for the same things

heart in heart

our hands they all fit

this is the world as we know it

everybody's just somebody watching the show

everybody feel your body losing control

lets let our hearts beat to our minds

lets let our minds speak to our souls

whoa whoa

whoa
do you know we all pump the same red blood into our veins

and do you know that we all wish upon the same stars for the same things

heart in heart

our hands they all fit

this is the world as we know it

this is the world as we know it

heart in heart

our hands they all fit

this is the world as we know it

isn't that just loverly? i'm such an idealist, so of course I think this song is so true and so perfect and so amazing :) I love it. and scattered through the song are all these clips or Martin Luther King Jr. speaking and... it's just so amazing.

So that's what I'm talking about in this post: idealism. I feel like if everyone in the world was an idealist, the world would be perfect. You know? If everyone just loved each other and respected the differences and got along, and laughed it off when something bad happened and knew how wonderful the world is and how luck we all are to be alive, then it would be so perfect because everyone would be happy! :D I know that sounds impossible, but really. It shouldn't be, should it?

I don't know. I just feel so lucky to have the mindset that I do: I truly and honestly am lucky to be alive and have all the things I do, and I know it. I smile all the time. I laugh. I don't really ever get sad. And yes, I'm opinionated and I voice my opinions, but I'm generally really easygoing and happy and positive. And I know that some people just naturally are not like that and... I don't know. I just wish they were. I just wish everyone was. So my goal from now on (well, I have a lot of Goals From Now On's lol. But this is one of them) is to truly and honestly go out of my way to make people happy.

Is it stupid that I feel like I can make a difference? :\

And I just want to thank anyone who's commented for commenting. It seriously makes my day every single day to know that some people out there care what I have to say. Seriously, you guys make my life better. Heee. I LOVE YOU GUYS. is that weird to say? no. it's true. If you're reading this, Callie truly and honestly loves you a lot ^_^

What's the difference between music and just sounds?

I think that those two words overlap a lot. For instance, there are somethings that mare most definitely audible, and therefore sounds, but to me, they just don't fit the word "music". A cow mooing, for example, or a cough. I suppose all music has to be a sound, or a series of sounds, technically. But somethings--a lot of things--I would just always refer to as music. Calling them sounds seem sacrilegious, in a way. Things like Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. I wouldn't dare to call that "sounds". Ever. Finally, there are the noises that are clearly both sounds and music: a bird chirping, a waterfall, wind chimes. You know what I mean. I think it's kind of like (pay attention here, because the thought of this confuses me, and I haven't even tried to put it into words yet :P) the square-rectangle concept. You know, how all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares? I think the music-sound comparison is similar: all music is sounds, but not all sounds are music. A rectangle needs to have all equal sides to be classified as a square. I think a sound needs to make someone feel something to be classified as music. Does that make any sense at all?

On the subject of music, I really do need something new to listen to. Would you mind giving me the names and artists of some of your favorite songs? It would make me happyyyy :). Plzplzplz with fifty six cherries on top? :* <3

The pictures in this blog are random.

They have nothing, I repeat: nothing to do with the posts themselves, or anything else. The pictures all have one thing in common though: they are gorgeous, adorable, meaningful, artistic, random, fantastical little chunks of joy. I have over one hundred pictures in my My Pictures folder, and I cleaned it out two days ago. I removed probably another hundred, but the 250 or so that remained are all pictures that make me happier in one form or another. And those are the ones I post here. They're all really different, yes. I mean, what do I have on here so far? I still don't know what the picture will be for this post (I add in the pic after I'm done writing), but up until here there's a notebook page with "I ___ you" written all down it, a black and white picture where the shoes are rainbow colored, an adorable picture of two kittens who can't spell :D, a ferris wheel, New York City, two children, a cat sticking out its tongue, and "Seasonscape". These are all so different, but they're all so amazing in their own way, no? I can't describe the feeling I get so often, when I see a picture that makes me grin, and moves something inside me. It's like the idea flits through my head that I've felt that image before. And now I finally get to see it. It's like a gorgeous sense of deja vu. A lot of art makes me feel that way, to be honest. Photography, painting, writing, music, drawings, acting, collages, film, fireworks. Everything. I think that's why I want to be an artist so bad. Any type of artist would do. I'd be a dancer and singer and photographer and painter and writer and sketcher and actor and designer and director and firework engineer if I could. Writing, however, is the only area of the arts that I do well. Actually, I don't really know if I write well. But I think I do. And it's what I love. But art in general, all kinds, appeal to me in the way they have since I was little, since I can remember: I, you, we, all of us have the oppurtunity and ability to make the world anything we want. Isn't that an amazing concept? We can be heard in anyway we want. How fantastic is that?

I love easily.

For me, it's just a feeling that comes naturally. I realize that 'love' is a big word. I know that it encompasses a lot and that it's hard to understand. But that doesn't stop me from doing it. I have friends who can't get a handle on love. Because it's complex and mysterious, I think they're somehow afraid of it. And some of the people that can open up and love the people they need to love, they can't express it in words. They fear being taken "too seriously", or that someone won't return their feelings, or that the words "I love you" to a friend might be taken as something more than friendly. But honestly, it's so much easier and better to love than to hate, and loving someone or something or someplace is never a bad thing. I realize that some people can't accept, understand, or get their heads around it, but for me, I just do. I love people hard and fast and a lot, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

So, this week, from 1-4 every day, I've been in this creative writing class.

It's not like a hardcore workshop or anything. In fact, I'm the oldest one there. It doesn't really help mature my writing skills, but I do get to sit and write for three hours, so I like it. The class is held at a elementary-middle school, so the building's mostly empty in summer. There's a park right up the road. So today, as we filtered into the classroom and took our seats, the teacher told us the Game Plan. We sat and did exercises for a while, then walked to the park right up the road. There are two swings that me and the one guy in my class immediately ran for. He's much younger than me--going into fifth grade--and his name is Dylan. We both were like, "OMJIZZLES I LOVE TO SWING" and laughed, then, at the exact same time, said, "even though it makes me feel kind of sick." It was the first real conversation I've had with this little guy, and it was a good one. So then we got on the swings and kicked off the ground, and before long the chains on the swing were almost parallel to the ground. I would get so high that all you could see past my legs was the sky. I must have looked like such a little kid to all the other people in the park and walking by, with my bright purple pants and short hair, grinning and laughing and chatting with this 10 year old the whole time. And let me tell you, we were swinging hard. I don't think I've ever been on such an intense swing :D It was a little too warm out, but when you're hurtling through the sky like that it's the perfect temperature, and the sky was cloudless, and I was just having so much fun. By the time the swings were still again, we were both out of breath and our arms hurt and we had to get drinks of water. In the air, it was one of those moments where I consciously thought, I'm so, so lucky to be alive.

Complaining is a waste of time.

Don't do it. All it does is let you dwell on the imperfections of your life and make life a little bit harder for people who have to listen to you whine. Appreciate all the wonderful aspects of your life, because there will always be more good things than bad, and you always have the option to talk about the good. The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time, or so I've heard, so if you talk about things that make you happy you will BE happy. And if you talk about the parts of your life that suck, you're just making your life suck more.

And of COURSE it's okay to vent about the things that bug you, but it truly and honestly is NOT NECESSARY for everything that comes out of your mouth to be negative. People who say or believe otherwise are simply selfish. I know that everybody has all these gorgeous and brilliant and amazing things in their heads. Everyone does. But the difference between some people and others is that some people share these things with the world, and others just release negative thoughts into the atmosphere and keep the inspirational, loverly, fabulous things to themselves. Like I said, selfish.

And the effect your miscellaneous positive or negative statements can have on others in enormously profound. Whining and complaining about the little things that make your life harder makes others' lives that much more difficult. It makes people notice, and also be irritated by the things you are constantly whining about. Or, at the very least, your own constant laments will annoy them to bits. By letting yourself stay irritated and unhappy, you bring down those around you. In contrast, if you share and idea or event or SOMETHING that truly made you happy or excited, you will bring a little bit of joy into the lives of others, who will want to be near you and hear more of what you have to say, because listening to you talke makes their lives better. It will make you as well as others happy, and there is no limit on the amount of laughter, joy, and goodness in the world. By giving someone else happiness, you aren't giving them some of your own joy, but simply making more. And in my personal opinion, that is not only something to be happy about, but something to be very, very proud of.

You have no idea how hard it was to decide on a name for this blog.

I'm not in love with the title as it is, but i don't hate it either, which is good. I don't know. It bugs me that it's not a line from a song, or anything, it's just an idea off the top of my head. So of course i doubt it because i'm callie and that's what i do, doubt myself. Just kidding. I'm not just one big bundle of self-doubt, but I can't help it sometimes, you know :P

I'm sitting at film camp, "editing our movie". but we've already finished editing TWO movies, as opposed to the other group, that has just STARTED editing their first. They go slow because they are very dysfunctional. Afightfightfight then talk about feelings. 24/7. It's SUMMER CAMP, for God's sake. Why the drama?

To be honest, it bugs me when people say I cause drama. I haven't heard that here, because the other group is such a whinefest, but in real outside of camp life, i've had people say i always drag things out, try to get people fighting, get things roiled up. But the truth is, i hate that stuff. I don't dislike a single person, and I wouldn't want to. I just want everyone to get along, which I realize sounds cliche, but it IS what I think. Maddie vs. Taylor, Karl vs. Maddie, Holly vs. Chris. Lena and Sarah and I are the only people I know who avoid that shit at all costs, but somehow we are the ones who get caught up in it. I have no problem with being dramatic. That is one of my favorite qualities about myself, in fact. But I don't cause all this immature shit. And it kills me when people say i do :(

I love these lyrics....

I just think they're so encouraging and true. And if everyone believed what this song says, I truly believe that this world would be a better place. I'm writing the lyrics in paragraph form, but that's not how the song is sung :D

You're Making It Come Alive by My Favorite Highway:

I've finally come to realize that we are all the same. If there's nothing left to lose, then there's everything to gain. All the paragraphs and pages you could write could not contain, it is curious and careless and it's flowing through my veins. The fear of growing old, and doing what you're told. You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking, yeah, you hide behind the smile you're faking. It's all about the chance you're taking, oh, and you know that you're making it all come alive, it all come alive. If your life is so damn comfortable, then why do you complain? A reflection in the alcohol you're pouring down the drain. Just because you paint a picture doesn't mean it fits the frame. This is my west coast intervention, and I'm getting on that plane. When all of your mistakes are keeping you awake, you can't disguise a heart while it's breaking, yeah, you hide behing the smile you're faking. It's all about the chance you're taking, oh, and you know that you're making... you can't disguise a heart while it's breaking, yeah, you hide behing the smile you're faking. It's all about the chance you're taking, oh, and you know that you're making it all come alive, it all come alive. The sun is setting and it's ending 'cause you're letting it go, forgetting everything you already know. And it all goes to show that you're moving too slow, it'll end up changing you. It'll end up changing you. You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking, yeah, you hide behind the smile you're faking. It's all about the chance you're taking, oh, and you know that you're making... life flies by so you have to embrace it, yeah. Forget the past, 'cause you cannot erase it. And live the dream, and learn to chase it, and when you get off just taste it: it's all come alive, it's all come alive, it's all come alive, it's come alive. The sun is setting and it's ending 'cause you're letting it go. It's all come alive.

Isn't that amazing? I'm actually tempted to take credit for it ;D

So, yeah, that song is basically my new life philosophy

The Meaning of Life

I know, right? I'm cutting right to the chase lol. But really. I was thinking today about what I thought the meaning of life is. And I honestly think that the meaning of life is to LIVE. Not to exist. To LIVE. and i know that sounds as cheesy as some Deluxe Fairground Nachos, but i think it's also true. We weren't put on this planet to sit and pout. People who spend their lives sitting and pouting and being negative are in some ways a waste of space. And don't think i'm saying that they don't do the world any good and they should just off themselves and do us all a favor. No. That is the opposite of what I'm saying. Those people need to learn how to be themselves, and make themselves happy. Because simply by doing that, they'll make others' lives a little bit better. So stop. And just appreciate everything and live in the moment. Be happy, or at least try really hard.

ahahahahaha! i have a quote of the day. I don't know how funny it really is, but i laughed soooo hard

It's from Gilmore Girls:

"I am a serious audiophile. And that comes with responsibilities that a grounding doesn't offer."

Alright, so, it's not THAT funny. but it was the way she said it, and the situation. I don't know.

and i would like to take this opportunity to tell all homophobes to fuck themselves.

moving on. I reallyreally like being home alone. i'm home alone right now, in fact. i can do WHATEVER I WANT. i don't know what i do that i wouldn't do if my parents were here, but i just feel a lot more comfortable on my own, you know?

i'll probably make a new post in like ten minutes, because i'm addicted to this blog, and that is le fact.

but until then, ily a lot!

^.-*Callie

the image in this post is by Rarindra Prakarsa. Rarindra is my favorite photographer, or one of them :) her work blows me away. Here's a link to her gallery: http://photo.net/photodb/member-photos?user_id=2231437

Sometimes, I want to abandon any desire I have to write fiction,

and just write lyrics. Because, while only the rare book ever makes me stop and think and change my view on life, lyrics to that on a daily basis. I'm sure this is only because of the writer's talent, but it might be because of my own self-centered-ness, but whenever I listen to a song, I feel like it's written for me. I can match every word to someone's personality, or a specific thing happening in my life. I want to write lyrics like that, for other people, you know? But I think lyrics are harder to write than fiction. Shorter, yes. And there's probably less of an editing process. But, I don't know... something about my favorite lyrics scream "YOU COULD NEVER WRITE THIS". And I'm okay with that. I love writing my fiction, anyway.

mmkay. IN OTHER NEWS, last night I had what appeared to be an Incredibly Deep Thought. Though it probably wasn't. I'm sharing it with you anyway:

So I was playing Truth or Dare via text. It sounds lame, I know, but me and my friends do it obsessively. So my question was "If you were dying right now, what would you want your last words to me to be?" And my answer was, "I love you, and don't cry at my funeral." I considered saying "and you'd better cry at my funeral," but I stopped. And I thought If I'm going to die, the last thing I want to leave in this world is sadness. Touching, no? I feel like I made a breakthrough of some sort :P But it's true, too, that I don't want to leave any sadness behind. I want my funeral to be a fucking party, you know? Not like "YESSSSSSSSSS SHE'S GONE!" but like "WHY THE HELL WOULD WE SPEND THIS CRYING? AT LEAST WE HAD HER IN OUR LIVES!" you know?

So, if you're reading this, and are planning to come to my funeral in many years' time, just remember that whenever you feel like crying, laugh instead. :D

So, I deleted my other loverly blog today.

Though I never posted, and nobody read it, and I was disappointed whenever i opened it because there were never any comments, I miss it. I want to write gorgeously honest posts that will touch the hearts and validate the minds of masses of strangers.

Is it submissive that I blame my lack of blogging commitment on the fact that I don't have a laptop? I feel like if I could be all studious posting on my bed at midnight, i would be the epic blogger i want to be. More than once, I've seriously considered stealing my dad's MacBook Pro late at night, for that very reason.

Maybe I'll do that.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

But I'll post later, mmmkay? Please comment so i know i'm not a crazy person, sending herself into cyberspace where nobody cares ^_^