You were hovering in the snow-heavy clouds,

surrounded by crystalline flakes,
gorgeous, misunderstood.
You were shrouded in milky moonshine,
midnight silk and orgasmic starlight.
You were all the mystery of smoky jade eyes,
of galaxies rushing towards eternity...
And then you were words,
floating like smoke along the blinding skyline,
lilting and pounding in my ears,
a cracked mirror of intensity and beauty.
You were diamonds and feathers,
you glimmered and spun.
And then,
and then,
you were Love.
You were the webs of sugar,
the webs of smiles.
You replaced the salt, the tears.
The web of brilliant intoxication,
the web of frosted emotion--
It would take someone infinitely stronger than me
to escape from that.
The Love wasn't you, no. It was bigger.
It was light, it was color, it was sea glass and snow drops.
A flawed fairytale, a transparent masquerade.
But that Loveweb can't be unspun,
and I'm tangled, lost.
And you're tangled, lost, in the heartbraking sunrise,
the neverending nighttime.
It's a beautiful pain,
it's torture you crave,
brings tears to your shining eyes because
it reminds you that you're more than they
can see.
I can see you,
and my heart breaks every time I do.
Don't make it stop.

Hello, Beautiful...

Whenever anybody looks into my eyes and sees nothing but emptiness--and invisible and opaque grey, i blink. i think that if i blink away the solidity, the blankness, they'll see that it's fog. opalescent and haunting, they can peer right through to a golden honey sunset. a searing combination of crimson and silver, bronze and tangerine, the cotton candy pink, the cotton candy blue... they'll see, in the veiled sunset, the same clouds i chase towards the horizon whenever i think of staying beneath them infinitely, cloaked in the sweet, solitary safeness of smelling the summer and starlightstarbright. i'll be the first star they see tonight, the only one they'll see for the rest of their lives.

the ice that encases my heart

is jagged and opaque,
melting when you're close to it,
making it beatbeatbeat a little
harderbetterfasterstronger,
before freezing as soon as you take away
any part of you.

I'm sorry,
i know you're not the only one
who can melt it,
and i know i depend on you
more than i should.

I know your eyes aren't really enchanted,
i know your words aren't really soft,
subtle Love songs,
hiding behind a mask of casualty.
I know.

Author's note: "harderbetterfasterstronger" is Kanye West's. random, i know, but i stuck it in here. the rest is mine.

Stardust:

i miss you a lot

If you'd never been here--

if you hadn't seen grass or tasted peach, or fallen in love with anything but Saturn's rings...

if you knew english, but had never seen the things it was talking about

you couldn't imagine hate. it could be a blessing.

you can't imagine love; you're not even close to understanding something that big and beautiful

you can't imagine war, loss, pain...

you can't imagine hearbreak, you can't imagine light and music

and you can hear the word for what they are, not what we've twisted them to be.

every word in this language should be beautiful. fragile and perfect and felt. people hear a combination of vowels and consonants, the don't hear what you mean to say. they hear the emphasis on the syllables, not on the feelings.

but if you were floating around in inky blue, with winking white lights of dying stars, if you were learning the magic of words for the first time, and had nothing to mar and change the lucid perfection, you would gasp with awe, appreciation, wonder... at everything.

listen. imagine flying. you can feel the wind in your hair, hear it singing to you the way nothing else ever could--lending itself to you and allowing you to make it anything you could possible want. imagine flying.

now imagine, if you knew nothing else except the meaning of flying. knew nothing about these words that we fling about except that one word to express pure exileration, that word to express the impossible, that word as pure and crystalline and flawless as Love and Light... and then you heard that there were creatures called flies. flys. flyes. flyers. imagine how you would think of them, having never seen them. they should be angles. their wings should be huge, glossy, pearl-sheened with feathers as silky as water and as sharp as filed diamond. they should have faces with soft, meltingice azul eyes... they should have high, milky cheekbones and always be surrounded by mist.

if i could change any word in the english language, if there is one word that is completely misinterpreted by the creature used to represent it--it is flies. flies should equal angels.

it makes me sad in a way that nothing this trivial should.

The tears running down my face are just liquid drops of delicate desperation,

salty souveniers of this Love that breaks me, over and over. I wish I could look into your eyes and see, at the glassy bottoms of those whirling, aqua pools, that you feel this way, too. But even if you were here, beside me, even if you could hold my gase for more than a frozen moment that is instantaneously, simultaneously, forgotten and Forever, I wouldn't find this emotion. This shameless need for bottomless adoration, this heart wrenching want for your Love-dust words to be whispered for me, for only me. Wrapped in crackling cellophane and hidden under and icicled and abandoned Christmas tree. I'll send a Missing You mist and a magic carpet--float until you appear on the dew-drenched grass below my broken window, only to look up and see my face turned to the pulsing, starlit sky, wishing for you on the red lights of Jealousy Jetplanes. I'm not your dream, I know. I don't whiz through your mind like a comet, burning a fire trail of light and pain. All I can give you is this silent serenade, this Lovelorn letter. You're my world, rotating on the invisible axis of belief that I'm your world, too. Please, Lovely, please. Tell me you Love me. Tell me in words, in whispers. Tell me in the way you blink your eyes, tell me in the way you say my name. Even if you don't, okay? Tell me you Love me.