"my worst fear....

...is of losing people. Namely, you." How many people could I truthfully say that to? A lot. probably too many. I love too hard. Too fast. To quickly. I am a disaster waiting to happen... if someone wanted to, they could hurt me so easily. I'm so vulnerable. I'm not immune to pain, not at all, but I'm not scared of it. I'll be okay.

Am I important? To anybody? Yes. "Yes" is what I tell myself. It is truly unnerving how badly i want to be right.

One person--one special person--seems to come along every generation. A person that truly speaks for the people. I want to be that person. Does that make me noble? Or simply power-hungry?

Mostly, I don't believe in God. I don't. But sometimes I wish I did. I mean, I'm all alone. But I'm not, am I? I have mankind. I have the world. We, as people, as a world, underestimate ourselves. We are blamers, talkers. That is our fatal flaw. I want someone bigger and better than me. someone to protect me. Instead, I have a chance to prove that I am brave.

I'm fairly certain that the thoughts, doubts, uncertainties I have aren't special. But I voice them, and that makes me special. How is that fair? Oh well. I want that specialness. I just go on thinking I'm brilliant, when in a way, I'm just reckless.

i'm kind of in love with this EP:

it's not the best music i've ever listened to, but it's so catchy and i lurrrrrve it. my favorite song is Dr. Huxtable.

Anyway, the EP is 1.21 Gigawatts-EP by Mercy Mercedes

WOOTWOOT for random music suggestions!!

and, just because this is a post about nothing in particular, i'll just break the loverly news that i got a MAGNIFICENT NEW PHONE. oh, happy days!! It's the LG Dare from Verizon, and yes, I am pretty much in luff with it. it looks like the one in the picture below, but it has a veryvery light, clearish-rose-pink silicone case to I don't damage it. my father made me get the case because, um, my old phone was not in tip top shape. twas cracked and scratched and just... um. well.

It's been a while,

as i've been at camp the past week.

i missed you guys, i missed blogging. getting my thoughts out has become really, really important to me. Sometimes, I feel like I should be twisting these blog entries, twisting these thoughts. Adding random, fictional details, change my name, at some drama. In short, sometimes I feel like I should be writing a book. A real, live, fictional, legitimate novel-story-type-thing. I feel like I can hardly call myself a writer if I just talk about myself all the time, you know? I need to see if the fiction I write can be this real. If my characters can feel things as strongly as I do. But, like always, I put off writing fiction. I write this instead. I feel like I'm letting myself down, but I also feel like I'm building myself up. Like I'm making myself into more. Most of the stuff I write on here about myself I didn't even know was true until it was on the screen. So that's good.

I am not afraid of heights. I'm not. I like them, love them, think they're perfection. They make me feel alive. I'm such an adrenaleine junkie. Anything that makes my stomach drop I HAVE TO DO. With the exception of falling. I don't like to fall. But other that that, I crave anything thrilling. At camp, there is a swing. It's sixty feet in the air and it's incredible. You swing down and the wind is so loud and you're grinning and screaming and so alive feeling. And afterwards, It's like your problems are gone. Like you've figured out what to do with them while you were up there, flying. I want to feel like that 24/7!